Surrogates (2009) – 2*

Dir: Jonathan Mostow/ Writer: Michael Ferris and John D. Brancato/ Cinematography: Oliver Wood

Spot the deliberate mistake (image: swanksalot FlickrCC)

Set in a near future where mankind has retreated into their homes leaving their mind-controlled robot avatars (surrogates) to take the strain of the daily grind, Surrogates already represents a bizzaro concept. Throw in a seemingly impossible murder via surrogate and action movie favourite Mr B. Willis as chief investigator and the stage seems set for some virtual fun and games.

But Surrogates is as soulless and slow-moving as the robots wandering through it. With the script bland and the plot banal, Bruce on fine form could have given the film a much-needed energy boost. But unfortunately this isn’t Bruce on fine form. This is Bruce on “dial-it-in” form. A dreary, lifeless little number.

Based on the graphic novel by Robert Venditti and Brett Weldele

Movie Pieces Review Rating for Surrogates: 2/5
IMDb entry for Surrogates

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)

Dir: Garry Marshall / Writer: Shonda Rhimes and Gina Wendkos / Cinematography: Charles Minsky

Julie, Mickey and Minnie have fun in the sun (image: obfusciatrist FlickrCC)

Genovia’s back…just in case you missed it
A sequel – quite obviously produced to cash in on the unexpected box office success of the charming teen wish-fulfilment fantasy, The Princess Diaries.  Here Princess Mia (formerly plain Mia Thermopolis) is all grown-up, and returns to Genovia (a peculiarly sunny made-up Eurozone mish-mash) to fulfil her royal duties and become Queen.

The only fly in the ointment is the old genovian ruling that requires all women to be married before they can ascend to the throne. Cue blue-blooded Blind Date and within a week Mia has got herself a King-in-waiting – cheerful, but dull Brit Andrew Jacoby (Smallville’s Callum Blue). Frustratingly for all concerned, while there’s no spark with Jacoby she’s strangely attracted to Nicholas Devereaux (Chris Pine and his amazingly bouffant hair), who also happens to be a rival for the crown.

In the first film, the clever casting (Hathaway, Julie Andrews and Hector Elizondo), quirky characters and the sly, witty script combined to make an entertainingly off-beat comedy that appealed to tween, teen and adult alike.

Here they’ve extinguished the spark of clever originality and thrown in morality tales aplenty, more pratfalls, song and dance sequences (Julie Andrews gets to clear her pipes) and girly sleepovers – ultimately targeting the tween audience at the expense of all others. It hits its target demographic and delivered decent numbers at the box office, but it’s sucked the fun out of the whole experience. Anne Hathaway is so much better than this.

Rating: 2/5
IMDb entry for The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

* Based on the characters by Meg Cabot

King Arthur (2004)

Ancient Britain’s dream team (image: ImpAwards website)

Wot, no Excalibur?

It’s unclear why the filmmakers have chosen to name their swords and sandals saga, ‘King Arthur’, given they’ve decided to eschew all elements of Arthurian legend in favour of a look at the “man (that might have been) behind the legend”.

In this gritty ‘reimagining’, Arthur is a now a soldier of dual Roman/British heritage who lost his faith in Britain as a child, after the brutal slaying of his mother at the hands of the Picts – blue-tinted native Britons (note: not to be confused with the Na’vi). A firm believer in the progressiveness of the Roman way of life Arthur, backed by his legionnaires, is proud to uphold Rome’s laws in Britain. But the once mighty Roman Empire is under threat and decides to withdraw its troops from its foreign outposts to focus on its enemies closer to home.

Arthur plans to go ‘home’ to Rome but is given one last challenge by wily Bishop Germanius, to go north of Hadrian’s Wall and rescue a Roman family from the lawless Picts and a new threat – invading Saxon forces.

Notting Hill (1999)

Dir: Roger Michell / Writer: Richard Curtis / Cinematographer: Michael Coulter

Pointing the way...(image: Fimb FlickrCC)

Notting Hill…the soft focus version

Working Title have a track record of polishing tired plots, adding an iconic soundtrack and sprinkling on the fairy dust of stellar casting, but here it just doesn’t seem to gel.  A disappointingly tepid romance with the two leads, who usually sparkle in this kind of fare, struggling with a leaden script and a severe lack of chemistry.

Grant is William Thacker, a bookseller in London’s Notting Hill, who literally runs into Julia Roberts megawatt movie star – Anna Scott. He bumbles, she’s stony and subdued.  He falls hard, her interest seems mildly piqued and Rhys Ifans wanders around looking pale and not particularly interesting.

Then comes the boyfriend ‘reveal’ and the course of true love yada yada yada. Unforgivably dull.

Interview

Dir: Steve Buscemi. US. 2007

Interview with Sienna Miller (image: r9M Flickr CC)

A conversation

An odd little two-hander, between indie fave Steve Buscemi and tabloid fave Sienna Miller, that feels more stagy than cinematic. Perhaps, unsurprisingly, this is actually a remake of an arty European film of the same name – the first in a trilogy of English-language homages to the late, controversial, Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh. Blind Date, directed by Stanley Tucci and 1-900 (06/05) by John Turturro, are to follow.

Veteran news correspondent, Pierre Peders (Buscemi), falls out with his Editor and is given an interview with soap star Katya (Miller) as ‘punishment’.  Contemptuous of her shallow showbiz credentials he arrives for the interview woefully unprepared and starts off a cat-and-mouse battle as actor and journalist fight for the upper hand.

It plays like a hack’s fantasy – beautiful starlet and journo hole up in her flat for a night of truth or dare with lots of booze and a little light smooching thrown into the mix.

Interview and its stars are desperate to be cool, arty and clever and the experience suffers as a result – it’s just far too stylised and try-hard.  Despite that it’s always intriguing to see two actors go head-to-head and even more so when one of them is, the ‘always good value’, Steve Buscemi.

Pretentious, but with some interest value. It’s also very, very short – which helps!

Rating: 2/5
IMDb entry for Interview

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Dir. Larry Charles. US. 2006

Borat (image: Rakka Flickr CC)

Village idiot

A good premise which, at times (like the early village scenes and the stand-out wrestling bout) is completely hilarious. But whenever Borat strays from the scripted scenarios the film just loses its way.

The rest of the movie was pure improv – let’s get into a car and see if we can find some idiot Americans to laugh at on the way.  There’s a joke in there somewhere, I’m sure, but not here. Despite being a mere 83 minutes it felt much, much longer. Borat’s snigger to groan ratio was way too low.

Apart from one truly ingenious, hide-behind-your-hands scene where Borat and his producer buddy Azmat engage in a fierce bout of naked wrestling through a hotel it’s same old SBC, just a different day.

Rating: 2/5
IMDb entry for Borat

The Family Stone

Dir: Thomas Bezucha. US. 2005

SJP (image: David Shankbone wikicommons)

Between a rock and a hard place

Sarah Jessica Parker’s debut feature film, following her award-winning turn as alter ego Carrie in ‘Sex and the City’, was eagerly awaited by columnists keen to see if she’d sink or swim.  The outcome isn’t that simple…  While Parker, a highly-experienced comic actress of many years, is note perfect in her portrayal of the uptight Meredith the film itself flounders between genres – not sure quite what it wants to be.

The Family Stone is ostensibly a ‘rom-com’, centring on Meredith’s first trip to her potential future in-laws at Christmastime.  Meredith is highly-strung, reserved city girl.  The Stones, a close-knit bohemian family, take an immediate dislike to her deciding she’s all wrong for eldest son Tom (a rather wooden Dermot Mulroney).

Misunderstandings and miscommunications abound in a frantic slapstick manner as Meredith proceeds to offend and alienate the whole family, including boyfriend Tom. Eventually she realises she needs back up and phones for her sister (Claire Danes at her charming and kooky best).  Her sister’s arrival provides little comfort to Meredith as she’s immediately welcomed and accepted by the Stones and then, to cap it all, proceeds to fall for Tom.

So far…we’re still on track for a rom-com resolution.  But then swiftly in from left-field comes a shock revelation about terminal illness, Tom’s gay, deaf, brother struggles to adopt a child and the sisters casually swap partners. Suddenly the light-hearted, if chaotic, mix becomes something horribly different.

Other films have managed to bring gentle humour to difficult subjects, or successfully mixed unexpected genres, but The Family Stone mixes pratfalls with pathos to excruciating effect.

Rating: 2/5
IMDb entry